Valentine’s Day: The Cheat Guide
Valentine’s Day is not far away and regardless of if you are shacked up or not, Valentine’s Day is a bit of stinker. If you (ladies) don’t get showered with nice flowers and weird underpants, or (gents) don’t get experimental sexy time, it’s a letdown. If you do, you are probably on the end of a commercially driven burst of guilt. These are complicated times.
With that in mind, we came up with some ideas for those who want to do something, but not in the typical yawn-worthy Valentine’s theme.
For those who are romantically and/or intimately engaged with another human (or several) at the present time:
- If you were thinking about buying jewellery for your other half, why not have a crack at making something. A homemade locket with a sweet note inside will significantly increase your chances of sexy time.
- If you were thinking about taking your equally significant other out for dinner, why not head out to a karaoke joint and have a crack at a revolting ‘80s love song and sing to them. As cringe-worthy as it will be for everyone else, f*ck ‘em. Your partner will think it’s tops.
- Do something embarrassing-cute, like offer to pick your partner up from their work location but make up a t-shirt with a message on it like, “Just waiting for my hot missus”, or “My man has mad bedroom skillz”. It will be memorable and entertaining for your partner and hilarious for everyone else.
- Write out a list of all the things that you are grateful for that your partner does and post it to a social media channel, tag them in it, and pay to boost the post to a million people.
- Book yourself and your partner in for an experience that’s out of your comfort zone, like flamenco dancing, glass blowing, or something less strenuous like a tandem float or tandem massage. Do something new and unplanned and embrace the random.
- Tee up another couple and do something fun – tennis, dinner, comedy club etc. Your friends probably miss you now that you have kids and Netflix so why not use St Valentine’s Day to reconnect with them?
- Failing all the above, why not just turn everything off (phones, computers, TVs, etc.) and hang with your partner for a few hours in the same space without any distractions or disruptions and see where the conversation or evening goes.
For those who are not romantically and/or intimately engaged with another human at the present time:
- Tee up your other buddies (and their friends) to go out for a night of good food, a movie or sports event, and steal some cool street signs.
- Have yourself a solo App party – Airbnb, Uber Eats, Tinder, and Netflix. Combine them all and make a mess.
- Take your dog to the park and hang with your dog. This isn’t Valentine’s Day specific, it’s just a cool thing to do.
- If you don’t have a dog of your own, borrow someone else’s. Go to a dog park and find someone who has a cool dog. Then, spend a few hours hanging out with two cool dogs. Whether or not you converse with the other owner is up to you but not essential. Two cool dogs. Awesome.
Or alternatively, do nothing. Whether you go bizerk or go underground on Valentine’s Day is up to you. After all it’s just another Friday which makes it a ripping day by default regardless of how many chocolate hearts you receive.